Feeling Resentful? Start With This Simple Equation

Resentment = Suppressed Hurt/Time

Resentment doesn’t arrive unannounced. It builds slowly, quietly, feeding on unspoken pain and unmet needs. We often think of resentment as an emotion that “happens” to us, but what if it’s more predictable than that? What if resentment follows a formula—a simple equation that reveals its source and its antidote?

Here’s how it works:

Resentment = Suppressed Hurt ÷ Time

Let’s break this down.

Suppressed Hurt: The Numerator of Pain

At its core, resentment begins with hurt—painful experiences, unmet expectations, or emotional wounds. These hurts often go unacknowledged, either because we’re afraid to confront them, unsure how to address them, or unwilling to face the discomfort they bring.

When we suppress hurt, we don’t eliminate it; we bury it. It lingers beneath the surface, quietly influencing how we think, feel, and interact with others. Over time, these buried feelings accumulate, creating a reservoir of unresolved pain.

Suppression often feels like the path of least resistance. We avoid hard conversations to “keep the peace.” We dismiss our feelings as unimportant or tell ourselves to “just get over it.” But every time we suppress hurt, we add another layer to the foundation of resentment.

Time: The Silent Multiplier

If hurt is the source of resentment, time is what gives it power. The longer we allow suppressed hurt to go unaddressed, the more it festers. Time doesn’t heal all wounds—not when they’re ignored. Instead, it creates distance between us and the original pain, making it harder to recognize and resolve.

This is why resentment feels so heavy. It’s not just about the hurt itself; it’s about the weight of carrying it over days, months, or even years. Time amplifies resentment, turning a small misunderstanding into a chasm and a momentary slight into a lasting grievance.

The Resentment Equation in Action

Think about a time you felt resentful. Perhaps it was in a relationship where you consistently felt undervalued, but instead of expressing your feelings, you brushed them aside. Or maybe it was at work, where your contributions went unrecognized, but you told yourself to “just be grateful” for the job.

In both cases, the suppressed hurt grew, compounded by time, until it spilled over as resentment. This is the equation in action.

Resentment = Suppressed Hurt ÷ Time.

But here’s the good news: Just as resentment follows a formula, so does healing. By addressing the numerator (hurt) and reframing the denominator (time), we can disrupt the equation and begin to let go.

Solving the Equation: How to Disrupt Resentment

1. Acknowledge the Hurt
The first step is to name what you’re feeling. What hurt you? What expectations weren’t met? Be honest with yourself, even if the answers are uncomfortable. Suppressed hurt loses its power when it’s brought into the light. Remember to “Lean into the discomfort” and that no harm can ever come from being honest with yourself.

2. Speak Your Truth
Resentment thrives in silence. To disrupt it, you need to express your feelings—not in a way that blames or attacks, but in a way that seeks understanding. Whether it’s through a heartfelt conversation, journaling, or therapy, speaking your truth is a powerful way to release pent-up emotions. There are also some situations, relationships and arrangements that need for those honest truths to be assertive and direct.

3. Reframe Time
Time doesn’t have to be a multiplier of resentment; it can also be a healer. Use time intentionally to reflect, process, and gain perspective. Ask yourself: How can I grow from this experience? What do I need to move forward?

4. Forgive, If You’re Ready
Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the hurt—it’s about freeing yourself from its grip. It’s a gift you give to yourself, a way to let go of resentment so it no longer controls your thoughts and emotions. Even in those situations where you might not be ready to forgive the other party, remember to forgive yourself. Acknowledging our humanity is one of the kindest things we can do for ourselves and that tenderness is what gives us the power to push forward.

5. Create Healthy Boundaries
Resentment often arises when we feel taken advantage of or undervalued. By setting clear boundaries, you can protect your energy and ensure your needs are respected moving forward.

Why It Matters

Resentment is a thief. It steals our peace, our joy, and our ability to connect authentically with others. Left unchecked, it can poison relationships, erode self-esteem, and trap us in cycles of negativity.

But resentment doesn’t have to define us. By addressing the hurt and reclaiming our time, we can rewrite the equation and free ourselves from its hold.

So, the next time you feel resentment creeping in, ask yourself: What hurt am I suppressing? How long have I been carrying it? And what steps can I take to release it?

Resentment may feel inevitable, but it’s also solvable. The equation offers clarity, and clarity offers hope. When you take the time to confront and release your suppressed hurt, you open the door to healing, connection, and peace.

Thank you for reading. If this resonated with you, please like this post—it helps others discover it. Don’t forget to subscribe to my Substack and share this with someone who might find it meaningful. I also invite you to share your comments about this topic.