How to Build a Life You Don’t Need to Escape From
Freedom Is your Right
What does it mean to truly live—not just on the weekends, or during vacations, but every day?
Years ago, I found myself sitting in a corner office on the top floor of the Municipal Tower in downtown Seattle. I had the director title, the salary, the responsibilities, the view. I had arrived—or so it seemed. My brother visited me there once and looked around the space with admiration. “You made it,” he said. And if success was a room, I was in it. But internally, I was somewhere else entirely. I was at the lowest point in my life. I was empty, fragile, and disillusioned.
Behind the closed door and the windows, I felt empty. I came home to my children but couldn’t be fully present. I saw the sun shining but couldn’t feel its warmth. All I wanted was to get home, take a shower and crawl into bed. I had given everything to the job—my time, my energy, my identity—and in return, I received a version of myself I could barely recognize: anxious, exhausted, depressed. The temptation to feel sorry for myself was a constant presence but I understood the importance of resisting it, because as low as I felt, I knew that there was lower that I could have sunk to.
Eventually, I did what I had known for some time; I resigned. That decision came after deep, sometimes painful reflection. I had to admit to myself that I was a cog in a machine that did not value me—not truly. I wasn't special, nor unique or even important. And that if I wanted to reclaim my dignity, my joy, and my humanity, I would have to walk away. I chose me. I valued myself. I stepped off the ladder.
One line from my resignation letter still lingers in my memory: "It has always given me great joy and pride to work in service of the people of Seattle. Yet, due to my recent history with leadership, recent demotion and attitude of my direct supervisor toward me, I believe it in my best interest to preserve my emotional & psychological wellbeing."
What I learned in that moment is this: even when the world affirms your status, only you can affirm your worth.
The Death and Resurrection of the Dream
Most of us start out dreaming. As children, we imagine boldly. We want to be astronauts, artists, presidents, explorers. And even as we grow older, the dream persists—maybe not as loudly, but still present. A dream of freedom, of joy, of being surrounded by people who respect us, of contributing something meaningful to the world.
But something happens.
We enter a world that rewards compliance and punishes deviation. We take the job, then the promotion, then the second job. We adjust our dreams to fit within our calendars. We tell ourselves that we’re just being realistic.
Over time, the dream gets buried under obligations, expectations, and exhaustion. We become jaded, overworked, disillusioned. Dreaming starts to feel like a luxury—something reserved for those with time and money. But what if dreaming is a necessity? What if we need our dreams the way we need air—because they remind us of who we are and what we’re here to do?
Getting back to the dream requires courage. It means softening where we’ve hardened. It means asking: What did I want before the world told me what I should want? What would it take to believe in that again? What would it look like to dream not just about escaping—but about building something better?
Valuing Yourself in a World That Won’t
This world will give you a thousand reasons to doubt your worth.
It will measure you by your productivity, your income, your title, your gender, your race. It will try to convince you that your humanity is negotiable, that your rest is optional, that your boundaries are barriers to success.
Valuing yourself in such a world is an act of resistance.
It’s saying: My peace matters. My joy is non-negotiable. My body is not a machine. My mind is not for rent. My spirit is not a commodity.
To value yourself is to practice honesty about your limits and clarity about your needs. It’s learning to say no, to speak your truth, to rest without guilt. It’s asking for help, setting boundaries, seeking environments that affirm your dignity.
Self-value is not self-importance. It’s self-respect.
And it must be practiced daily—especially when everything around you is trying to make you forget.
The Cost of Misalignment
When I was in that corner office, I looked like I had everything. But internally, I was unraveling. I was depressed. I felt disconnected from the things that once gave me life. I came home each evening unable to fully enjoy the presence of my children, unable to appreciate the small joys—like a good meal, a funny story, or a walk in the sun.
The job clouded everything. It consumed me. And I allowed it to, because I believed I was supposed to endure.
But no role, no paycheck, no praise is worth losing yourself. Misalignment doesn’t just feel bad—it costs you. It costs you connection. It costs you clarity. It costs you life. It dehumanizes and breaks you down to the point of submission. It leaves you feeling thankful for the very thing that is draining your soul. Let me remind you of this fact: It's never worth it, Friend!
Start Here: Building a Life Worth Living
If you’re feeling stuck in a life you didn’t choose—or one that no longer fits—know that you’re not alone. And more importantly, you are not powerless.
Here are a few places to begin:
Talk to people who’ve done it. If there’s a different path you’ve been considering, reach out to someone who’s walked it. Ask them what they’ve learned, what they regret, and how they knew it was time to leap.
Try therapy or coaching. Having a trusted guide to help you unpack your patterns, clarify your values, and envision a better future is invaluable. Sometimes we need help holding the mirror.
Journal the real questions. What do I want more of? Less of? What do I miss about myself? What am I pretending not to know?
Get curious about your talents. What do you do well that brings you life? How might that be part of your next chapter?
Define success for yourself. Forget the metrics of others. What does a meaningful, sustainable life look like to you?
Remember, you don’t have to escape your life if you build one that makes you feel alive.
Let this be the year you come home to yourself.
#BeKind2Yourself
🙏🏽 Thank you for reading.
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With gratitude,
Jackie